The Lily Evan's Fan Club
by Ranya Ni
Summary: A series of drabbles about the marauders and their pesky pranks. Some hints of RLSS. Some very hints of JPLE, but seriously they have a kid, what do you expect?
1. Two Drops

Okay, the LEFC was created a long time ago my my friend Mystikat and I. It is a series of drabbles in the era of the marauders. Enjoy!

* * *

The Lily Evan's Fan Club

* * *

"Would you kiss you're mother with that mouth?"

"Yeah, with tongue too."

Severus Snape wrinkled is nose in disgust; pointedly trying to ignore the conversation behind him. Behind him, James Potter laughed at his friend, Remus Lupin. Severus squinted at the chalk board, trying to make out the loopy handwriting:

'_After letting your potion simmer for five minutes add two_

_drops of essence of Murlap. By this time the potion should_

_be thinned and blue-green.'_

"Speaking of kissing, have you asked him yet, Moony?" James whispered.

Severus chanced a glance behind him. Lupin's face had turned bright red and Potter smirked. Growling softly he turned back to his potion. _Stupid buggers_, Severus thought, _why do they have to talk about this sort of stuff during class?_ Agitated, he heaved his caldron onto the burner in front of him.

"Be careful, Mr. Snape!" A tall, cranky Potions Master, know as Professor Akaldi, rushed over, turning down the burner quickly. "Do you want to set the whole school on fire!" He yelled.

Beat red, the greasy-haired teen bent down and retrieved his essence of Murlap, ignoring the snickering around him. Akaldi always made Severus feel small and insignificant.

"So have you?" James whispered behind Severus.

"I'm still in one piece, aren't I? I haven't been jinxed yet," responded Lupin.

Severus frowned, trying to finish his potion while eves-dropping on the pair. _'Two drops of essence of Murlap…'_ He opened his bottle, listening intently.

"I know you don't like him, James."

"Still, I'm not picky enough to stop _you_ from liking him."

_'Two drops of essence of Murlap...' _ Who were they talking about?

"Yeah, well, I know it's a little weird—"

"A little? It's freaking crazy!"

"Shhh! He's right in front of us!"

Snape glanced around to catch a peek at the boy Lupin so admired. One girl to his left, two to his right. Horror donned on him. _No,_ he thought, _dear God, no._ He tried to add his Murlap, pretending he couldn't hear.

"What do you see in him?"

_'Two drops...'_

"Well, sometimes when I go into the prefect's baths—"

There was a shattering of glass and Severus jumped back as his bottle broke. He was shaking. He turned around again, glaring at the boys sitting behind him. Potter met his eyes squarely and sneered in his arrogant fashion; Lupin was putting his potion in a vile and pointedly avoided making eye contact.

"Mr. Snape!" The Professor marched over and cleared the mess away with a flick of his wand. "Detention, Saturday, at three." Severus glared. "Oh and Snape," smirked the Potions Master hideously, "you will receive no points for today's lesson."

Severus groaned, resting his head next to his books. Dear God, he hated this class.


	2. Red Knickers

* * *

Red Knickers

* * *

Sirius Black found it ironic that Lily's knickers were a bright shade of red. It matched her hair. "Nice pants, Evans." He said, announcing his presence. There was a shriek about him as the girls in the baths tried to cover themselves.

"Sirius! What do you think you're doing!" Lily was furious.

"I tripped." The boy smiled. He was currently on his back and had an excellent view of the legs round him.

"You...tripped. In a girls locker-room." Lily was protectively holding her skirt tucked between her legs and gave Sirius a nice flash of her bra.

"Mmhmm. Couldn't be helped. The floors awfully slippery. You should be careful; you might slip too." He linked his hands behind his head, admiring the view.

"Sirius, I sure you get off on this sort of thing—"

"Ew."

"...Pardon?"

"I don't get off on this. I don't think red-heads are particularly attractive, and besides you're only a B cup."

Her face went bright pink and she clutched her skirt in embarrassment. It was like clock-work as Sirius watched her face go from pink to white to red.

"Sirius... how do you know I'm a B cup?" Several other Gryffindor girls learned in, glaring.

"32 B small. It's really quite simple. I checked." He rolled out of the way as a dozen girls tried to kick every inch of him. Laughing, he dashed away and up to the Gryffindor common room.

James and Peter jumped to their feet as he burst in.

"Well?" James asked breathlessly.

"Red." Sirius smirked, "Like her hair."

"Red..."

The three collapsed in chairs around the fireplace. "And the others?" Peter asked.

"Oh, white, blue, pink, black. I think there was a lime green also."

"Nice."

The three sat there, imagining different scenarios in their hormone driven minds when there came a loud 'BANG!' and the common room filled with girls.

"I knew it! James! You're behind all this!" Lily charged into the room, grabbing the said boy by the ear.

"Ow! Lily—"

"You pervert!"

"No. I didn't—"

Sirius chuckled and quietly slid out of the way. No one saw the dark-haired boy head towards the boys' dormitory, taking the stairs three at a time. Sirius smiled at the twisted moral of this little endeavor: red underwear looks _really good_ on red-heads, so never send your friends do see what you can see yourself.


	3. Dragons

* * *

Dragons

* * *

The Remus and Sirius stood, transfixed, as they helplessly watched the scene unfold before them. James Potter stood, wand raised at the throat of his enemy, Severus Snape. "Give me a reason, and I'll blow your brains out." James growled, adding pressure to where his weapon lay. "Give me one freaking good reason…" 

"James!" Remus cried.

But he wasn't trying to stop his friend. Instead, he was warning him of the ominous shadow that was pooling beneath their feet. "James, Severus, look out!" There was a squelching noise at the James and Severus began to rapidly sink into the floor. With in seconds, the two were gone. A single thin sheet of paper rested where they had once been. Remus stooped to pick it up.

"These look like directions. Maybe this is the same guy that kidnapped Lily," he muttered.

"You mean that old, creepy, dictator guy? What was his name? Voldermort?"

"How should I know? I thought he was after the job of DADA. Look there's a door at the end of the hallway. Maybe if we get help—"

"Who is going to help us? We're 600 feet _below_ the _lake_. That's like a thousand feet! Who would think to look down here? And even if we did get help, something could happen to the others." Shaking his head, Sirius strode down the hallway, pulling open the black door with a jerk. "Lumos."

The werewolf sighed, knowing his friend's short temper was due to worry. He pulled open the sheet, which he hadn't realized he had folded and squinted at the tiny hand writing.

"Take three lefts and a right..." Remus muttered looking at the parchment in his hand. "Isn't that the same thing as taking two rights?"

"Actually we'll end up in this corridor but facing the opposite direction." Sirius stretched.

"But that would lead us back the way we came!"

"Hey, I didn't write that stupid thing. I suggest you burn it."

"How are we supposed to find the others?"

Sirius didn't answer. He stood in the hall, mid-stretch, head cocked as if listening intently. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Nothing. Let's keep going." They walked down the hall, turning left at the first intersection.

"Why are we doing this?" Remus sighed.

"Don't ask me. I'm not the one that came chasing after James and Snivillus."

"Well I didn't—"

"Shh!" Sirius clasped a hand over Remus's mouth. They stood there for some time listening intently. Something to there right was scuttling away for the light of their wands. Immediately, Sirius let got and began to follow the noise.

"Padfoot!" But the teen had already passed though a doorway and into darkness. Remus stepped cautiously towards where his friend had disappeared. "Padfoot?" The tunnel was long and narrow.

Sirius sat in the center of a large room at the end of the hallway. Light glittering from his wand showed doorways leading off into every direction.

"What are you doing? We're going to get lost."

"Hey." Sirius turned half-way around, smiling, "Did you know there are zombies down here?"

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because there's one right behind you."

Remus swirled, his wand pointed at the heart of a decaying skeleton. He fell backward.

"_Explosify!_"

There was a bang and the figure burst into flames. The werewolf turned to Sirius who was still smiling.

"Do you think there are dragons' down here?" He asked dreamily.

"No," Remus growled, brushing ask from his robes.

"Why not?"

"How would they get a dragon down here?"

Sirius frowned, standing up. He walked over to the now barbequed zombie, toeing it gently. Remus too was frowning. He couldn't remember which of the several dozen doors he'd come through.

"How do we get back to the main hallway?"

"...That way."

"You're just pointing in a random direction!"

"You got a better idea?"

Grumbling, Remus followed his friend though the dark corridor.

"I had no idea Hogwarts was this big."

"No kidding. We must be under the Forbidden Forest by now." Silence followed. They both listened for movement beyond their circle of light.

"Maybe they're born down here," Sirius suggested.

"What?"

"The dragons. Maybe they're born down here."

"Sirius, for the last time, there are no dragons—"

And just then, the light from their wands glinted off something blocking the hallway. Something very large and scaly. Remus and Sirius dropped to the floor as flames engulfed the air above their heads. Sirius screamed something that sounded like 'Bo-yeah!' Lupin groaned.

"You win. They have dragons down here."


End file.
